Life In Review…And Your Role In It

I was chatting with a friend recently when the subject turned to our mutual lives. Like most discussions like this, we lamented our lives, frustrations, and also our blessings. Thankful for the love of friends and family – but also whining about the things that were getting us down.

My friend, who was about to turn 60, offered wisdom and perspective – suggesting we imagine ourselves in a rocker chair at age 85 recognizing our good fortune and also our regrets. Then – he suggested asking what we would do differently given the chance. Life doesn’t allow us to go back and change what has already happened – but it does allow us to mold a healthier future.

That said – what would you do differently?

That prompted me to look at my own life and – if I could – what would I change? What would you change? Some of us are in positions where any major change to our lives would be impossible. Perhaps you’re in a bad marriage and stone broke, with zero options because it takes enormous cash reserves to change direction at any age. My mother always used to say even a bad marriage becomes a habit – a comfortable rut – or perhaps an uncomfortable rut. You want to make changes but haven’t the foggiest idea of how to get there.

You may be very much alone – stuck in a different kind of rut. Perhaps you’re in a multi-generational household with grown kids and grandkids with an intense desire to get away from them and have a life of your own. Few things are more discouraging than being on the tail end of a hook and ladder firetruck with someone at the wheel in front who is headed in an entirely different direction.

Doesn’t bode well for a healthy life.

Some of you will say you’re too old to tackle a major change in life. It can get scary. The unknown always is. Depression, loneliness, health issues, financial woes, and a host of other issues can inhibit change. Seems all so impossible, doesn’t it?

But – it isn’t.

Real change comes from an overwhelming and burning passion to change. You have to feel it and envision it deep in your soul, then chart a plan. And, by the way – you’ve got to really want it. Not everyone close to you will appreciate it. You may lose friends and family along the way who don’t share your vision.

Again – how are you going to feel in that rocking chair at 85?

I’ve learned from wise people it is best to find ourselves in the company of positive people – people who can infuse healthy thinking into our lives and be our champions. They want what is best for us and won’t discourage us from trying. They will put us first and cheer us on. I will tell you I was raised by good people who taught me the importance of responsibility and giving generously to others. Yet – with the best of intentions, enveloped me with negativity. I was discouraged from trying anything new and different. I was also raised never to think of myself but only of others.

Putting others first is a noble gesture and it is important to maintaining healthy relationships, however, you must also take care of your own needs before you can be of any value to others. Recognizing your own needs and wants makes you emotionally strong enough to be of service to others. What I’ve always needed to practice and haven’t has been balance – giving generously to others while never forgetting my own dreams, needs, and wants.

So, what about that?

If you forsake your own dreams, wants, and needs, you become bitter and resentful – someone no one will want to be around. If you’ve spent most of your life serving others, have you also taken care of yourself?