Adjusting To A new Normal
I can’t help but notice the sharp contrast between when we were growing up and now. You know what I mean—common decency and a moral compass. When we were growing up, there were forms of etiquette that were expected and—in fact—mandatory. You either practiced them or else. These expectations were practiced nearly everywhere you went and were stressed by our parents, grandparents and mentors. “Please, Thank You, and You’re Welcome” were an ordinary part of life. You held the door for the person behind you and didn’t mind doing it. And—if you were really on the ball, you held the door and allowed others to pass through the doorway ahead of you. Tacky behavior and foul language in any form were unheard of. The use of foul language would get you cuffed on the back of the head.
Maybe I am old school, but I still practice the once-common courtesies my parents and grandparents taught me a lifetime ago. My grandfather on my mother’s side was the quintessential gentleman. He was a White House police lieutenant for several administrations including FDR and Truman and he did not mess around. If you asked for something and failed to include “please” and “thank you,” with your request it was like trying to get into your personal computer without a password. You always got a respectful reminder, “And what are the magic words?” My grandfather understood mutual respect because that was what he practiced all of his life. When he died, the nurses all said it was “please and thank you” until his last breath. What’s more, he passed that wisdom along to all of us and expected it to be practiced.
There was no opting out.
When I think of my grandfather, Captain Kangaroo and Fred Rogers can’t be far behind because these gentlemen were familiar and trusted sources of comfort. They taught us right from wrong and there was no grey area. It was either right or wrong.
That was my grandfather.
My grandfather and these two television mentors would be shocked at what the world has become. Although we’ve had our share of dark moments throughout history, the world we live in today has become mean-spirited. People have tossed aside random acts of kindness. I was in a shopping center parking lot recently and watched temperamental motorists from a safe distance. People refused to wait their turn at intersections cursing and blowing horns at one another when it would be so easy to just wait their turn, or heaven forbid, actually yield to someone else.
I can’t be certain when regard for others began to slip, however, I suspect the slide began in the 1970s when we started boarding airliners in tee-shirts, torn blue jeans, and sandals. Long about that same time, school dress codes began to fall off the rails too. That whole suit and tie Sunday best thing went away along with common decency and regard for others. Not long ago I was boarding a plane in Baltimore and watched people climbing over each other in line with no spirit of cooperation and mutual respect. One woman commented to me on how discourteous people were with each other in line, then, she promptly cut in front of me and marched right onto the plane. WTH?
We’ve lost the really important elements of human behavior—mutual respect and regard for others—and it is appalling. Presidential Candidate Hubert Humphrey (1968) said a society without order will not stand. He was right. There have to be rules, laws and mutual respect or it doesn’t work. It becomes anarchy and total unrest. However, there’s no reason why we can’t get these elements back given a little practice. It begins with two people at a time in baby steps. If you practice any action for at least three weeks it becomes habit. It can become a good habit.
I know you’re in a hurry to get into Target or Walmart—however, how many seconds would you lose holding the door for someone or allowing them to grab the last shopping cart? I’ve found the world is full of givers and takers, with most of us being takers. I believe in paying it forward in nearly everything we do and it’s so easy. If you practice paying it forward enough in your daily routine, you will be amazed at how frequently it comes back to you ten-fold. And, giving is so much more rewarding than receiving because it makes you feel whole.
—Jim Smart
Boomer Journey... 
So true Jim. Kids now days are missing these morals. They are more privileged and don’t have to earn it. Thanks for sharing your thought….you are a great writer.
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I guess it depends on how kids are raised. It seems parents are afraid to say no. Kids need to get used to hearing it. Thank You, Vickie.
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Reflections of a 62-year old….
Today I drove downtown to drop 3 packages at the Post Office. Nothing out of the ordinary for me but I had the opportunity to view the actions of a young man and consider how much things have actually changed in 50+ years….and not for the better, if you ask me.
It began as I was walking to the building, after finding a suitable parking space. The young man was also walking to the front door, having parked in the middle of the lane by the outside mailbox, not in a striped space as, I guess, it was “convenient” for him. In between strides to the door he turned his head and spat on the ground, as if a normal thing to do, which it probably is…for him. Reaching the door first, about 5 steps ahead of me he proceeded through, without bothering to stop and hold the door for me which had closed half-way by the time I reached it. The same for the interior door so I guess that common courtesy isn’t common….. for him. He proceeded past the sign that says “Wait here for next available representative” and walked up to the counter without a “next counter” sign, waiting for someone to come out, leaning up against the counter in a slouch with his ball cap on. I guess standing up straight, in public, and taking your hat off when entering an office isn’t…for him. When the young lady came out to the postal window he didn’t bother to greet her with even a “Hello” and just said, only some of what I could hear but a few feet away… “post card stamps”. No “please” and simply stood there holding a “fiver” until she told him the total was $2.10. He silently passed along the money and took his change and DID say “Thanks”, which surprised me as I expected a “grunt”. No other words were exchanged and he left.
I took care of my packages, which were all pre-posted and ready for shipment and, as I sat back in the cab of my truck I started to reflect on what I had just seen. What I think is that what had occurred was what could be considered, in this day and age, as “typical”. I’m not going to say “normal” behavior as it doesn’t fit MY definition of “normal”. I think the young man’s parents, and the other members of his parents generation generally, have done a great disservice to their children in their failure to teach them basic “manners”. Their basic lack of what I call “social skills” is what I believe to be a part of the solipsistic attitude that seems to be pervasive in this generation; an inability to view the world with any objectivity, which leads to social conflict. Inevitably in these conflicts, the overwhelming narcissism ingrained in their psyche at a young age (see “participation trophies”, etc.) leads to frustration, especially when they are proved wrong and, often, “acting-out” is the end result as they were never taught how to deal with such conflicts by parents who “were never wrong” either.
Okay, that’s the end of my rant, and the wish that the new parents of today will see some value into the age-old practice of “backhanding” junior when he is guilty of “anti-social” behavior and that, to me, includes not addressing people as “sir”, “ma’am” or “miss”, holding the door for someone behind you, or a lady with you, taking your hat off indoors, ESPECIALLY at the dinner table!, saying “please”, “thank you” and “pardon me”, not spitting, farting, picking your nose or scratching your ass in public, etc.
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