Sixty Is The New 40? You’re Kidding…

We are a generation in denial. It has been said repeatedly by boomers that 60 is the new 40. I beg to differ. I will be 69 in March and I am positive 60 is not 40. I’ve been 40 and I have been 60, and I am positive 40 was better. I did things at 40 that I would never tackle at 68. With each passing decade, our minds and bodies deliver a fresh message for the next decade in the form of aches and pains and tasks we’re wise enough never to try again.

We are not 40 anymore.

I think of things I used to do at 40 – like climbing on top of the roof of an old house 30 feet in the air and never thinking a thing about it. What is it about 68 that makes me terrified of heights? I suppose we break easier at 68 than we do at 40 though a 30-foot fall would have killed us at 40.

And – what is it about that morning constitution after coffee that just isn’t the same? As a man, you are reminded “Operation Golden Flow” is a lot more sluggish than it was at 40. We sit there for a time waiting to finish. Better do a PSA test along with that dehumanizing cavity check digital rectal exam just make sure.

My doctor said, “Oh no worries, I have small fingers…” as though that would make it easier.

Adding insult to injury is Number Two. Takes a lot more energy to do it at 68, which reminds me to take Meta Mucil each morning. More importantly, does it even work? On the upside, you can develop six-pack abs this way if you forget.

The elements of old age sneak up on us in osmosis form one day, one week, one birthday at a time. One rule of law holds true – with each landmark birthday at 50, 60, 70, and so on, we begin to feel changes in our mental and physical state. Fifty is surely the gateway to old age. I have to laugh at those who – at 60 – refuse to acknowledge they have entered senior citizen status at IHOP.

Probably the biggest insult of all is memory. I can remember superficial nothingness from 60 years ago, yet I cannot remember the name of a friend I’ve known since the Disco Era. Someone explain that to me – and if only I could remember what they said in a phone call this morning.

I suppose you could call Mother Nature cruel – however, she knows exactly what she’s doing. Old age is one of the few fair things in life – if you’ve lived this long, you are among survivors – those smart enough to have made it through the 1960s and ’70s. Some of us didn’t survive. I hear my fellow Hoosiers lamenting old age and wonder what the issue really is. Old age is reserved for survivors – those of us who managed to survive the foolishness of our youth.

Old age is to be treasured.