Category: Uncategorized

I’ve been living in Southern California for nearly 27 years. 

I will admit it—I’ve never enjoyed living here.

There, I said it…

I am here because career brought me here. 

Great weather… Alternative Society…

When I moved here for the second time in 1994, I had to ask myself why I came back. Most disturbing to me about Los Angeles was the reckless nature of the way people drove here.  Unsafe speeds.  Distracted driving.  Cutting one another off at any price including getting your ass kicked at the next traffic light.  That “me first…” demeanor.  “I’m late-I’m late—for a very important date…” and my needs are more important than yours.  Everything, including one’s self, is more important than doing what you’re supposed to be doing at the time—focusing on driving and making safety your highest priority. 

Gotta make that next appointment in Anaheim.

I’m an East Coast boy who has always believed Californians drove at outrageously high speeds and rather recklessly at that.  We maim and kill a lot of people here—with spectacular freeway crashes, road rage shootings, red light runners, distracted driving, pedestrian hit and runs, and the rest of it.  Irresponsible driving and reckless disregard for traffic laws seems to be what we are in California. 

Rolling stops or what’s known as a “California Stop…” 

Yep, there’s a ticket for that…

However—reckless driving isn’t just for California anymore.  California didn’t invent reckless driving either.  Dangerous driving is a given from coast to coast and border to border hence the great advances in automobile safety.  Automakers have become obsessed with taking control of an automobile away from motorists in order to make driving safer. We cannot be trusted at the wheel anymore.  Automatic braking and steering.  Warning lights and chimes.  Air bags.  Three-point shoulder belts.  Padded dashboards.  Flush door handles.   

Yet, there’s always some idiot out there among us who believes they can beat the train or make the red.

I’ve traveled this nation extensively and have been in 49 out of 50 states.  North Dakota remains unexplored.  I’ve never been there.  I’ll bet North Dakota’s roadways are a whole lot safer than California’s or Florida’s.  The reasons for that are obvious.  There are way fewer motorists on North Dakota’s roads.  People tend to be more civilized in North Dakota.  As you wander the Northern Plains, it’s challenging to find anyone.  It gets lonely up there and there’s always some poor slob chanting, “Where is everybody?!!!”

Just kidding…  I love the great American heartland.

My travels have taken me to a lot of great—and not so great—American cities.  In each place, I’ve found the roads have become more dangerous.  There’s less focus on safe driving and greater attention paid to getting there fast.  Plenty of distracted driving.  Always someone on your back bumper, which reminds me.  I have a passive-aggressive approach to tailgaters.  I obstruct…  I don’t jump on the brakes—nah—that can get you a bloody lip or a gunshot wound. 

I slowly ease off the accelerator and let the eternally frustrated pass. 

The most aggressive driving I’ve seen anywhere is Detroit and the I-90 corridor between Toledo and Cleveland.  I love Detroit.  However, there’s a mean spirit around Motown. People are just plain frustrated and angry.  However, Detroit is slowly coming around and heading back toward being the great city it used to be.  True Detroiters care about this city and are infusing new energy into the troubled community. 

Quicken Loans is leading the charge. 

Detroit will be great again…

Friends, seems we’ve forgotten the primary reason why we’re behind the wheel—to get there safe and alive.  Baby Boomers remember Driver’s Education in high school.  I’ve never forgotten what I learned in Driver’s Ed 50 years ago.  We got classroom time, drove simulators, and navigated in large full-size battle wagons.  We were shown the “guts in the gutter” crash films.  We were educated in the proper way to operate a motor vehicle.  Those basic fundamentals of driving have never left me.  They’re as automatic as that waltz to the bathroom to pee at 3 a.m. 

Rules of the road—traffic laws—are there for the safety and wellbeing of the citizens of any community.  These laws haven’t changed much nor have the fines and points for those who’ve chosen to ignore them. 

There for a reason. 

The most dangerous people I’ve seen on the road are young millennials.  I don’t want to sound down on young people. I’ve been a young people. I’ve also been young and stupid.  However, whenever I see some crazy stunt on the freeway, like passing on the shoulder at 100 or roaring through heavy traffic like it’s a video game, it’s a millennial.  The difference between a video game and the freeway is—when you crash at 100, you get dead.  Game Over…  Your parents, grandparents, siblings and friends get to grieve when you’ve passed all of us up. 

No time to drive with civility…

However, it is time to slow down and enjoy the drive.  I am preaching to the choir because boomers remember and understand the rules of the road and how to behave behind the wheel.  And, as we grow older, we grow smarter and remember what we were taught a lifetime ago.  We were raised by a largely responsible generation of great Americans acquainted us with the consequences of behaving irresponsibly. 

We got our butts kicked.

We also remember the emotional pain of burying our dead from traffic accidents back in the day.  My graduating class witnessed the deaths of two fellow students to traffic accidents.  One was killed right in front of his house in a drunk driving accident.  He was a passenger and the victim of a night of “hacking” with buddies. 

We were young and foolish too.   

We’ve just forgotten that we were.

What is it about men—and women—that makes some of us desire someone younger?

Food for thought, now isn’t it?

Whenever I hear the 1980s Steely Dan tune “Hey Nineteen” I think of this human dynamic and it is certainly not unique to the baby boomer. However, as boomers grow older this subject comes up from time to time in conversation. The established and aging business executive or the seemingly stable gent next door who divorces his wife of 35 years to marry a considerably younger woman.

When older women pursue younger men, we call them “Cougars…” implying in no uncertain terms it is an unacceptable form of behavior for a woman.

Yet—it’s acceptable from a man?

Someone please explain this lopsided thinking to me.   

When I see a middle-aged guy leave his wife for a younger business associate or someone he bumped into at the grocery store, I am inclined to ask, “I bet the sex is good, but what do you talk about afterward?” That, of course, always leads to the next question, “Man—how do you keep up with her?” You know he’s going to lie about his endurance—right? Unless he’s blessed with excessive amounts of testosterone and aggressive arterial blood flow to his extremities, he isn’t telling the truth. As nature generally goes the middle-aged guy is going to disappoint a younger lady when he’s lying there snoring and completely oblivious to her sexual needs amid the night.

Reminds of of that Eagle’s song, “Lyin’ Eyes” from the mid-1970s and some of the lyrics from this time-honored song.

So she tells him she must go out for the evening
To comfort an old friend who’s feelin’ down
But he knows where she’s goin’ as she’s leavin’
She is headed for the cheatin’ side of town…

This is where men must be mindful of the needs of a younger partner because it can get dicey if you’re not attentive and on the ball.

Big old house gets lonely.

When young and older get together, each has to stay thoughtful of the differences and keep up to date on each needs. It’s important. It is also important for a woman to remember too. Men are more inclined to comfort that old friend.

Without regular care, feeding and watering – relationships expire…

It is interesting how men and women interact and what they expect of one another. It was the Baby Boom generation, and perhaps “The Greatest Generation” that began studying the differences between men and women. The informative book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” by John Grey, PhD does a good job of defining the genders and how different we are—and how to better understand one another. Although a whole lot of us have read that book, I suspect a lot of us did not believe it applied to us – right? In truth, men and women are very different in how we think and what we are emotionally. I believe women try very hard to understand men. However, I don’t think men believe it is their responsibility to understand women.

I am just as guilty of this as anyone else. I am a poor listener.

Time for an attitude adjustment.

I believe men and women would get along better were men inclined to really listen to and understand women.  This has been an issue for centuries between the sexes.  Sounds crazy, but  I don’t think some men have ever recovered from women getting the vote a century ago.  Guys, you know this is true.  There’s still that ridiculous glass ceiling in America where women can advance only so far, then level off at what men perceive is acceptable when, in fact, there’s a lot of room for improvement.

Young men who want older women—Cougars—understand the value of an older woman.  By the same token, younger women see the great assets of tying their lives to an older man.  Those who want older partners can looking forward to the wisdom and experience that goes with being with someone older.  Older people are more established.  They’ve made most of the mistakes younger people make and are on more stable ground emotionally and financially.  Older partners are a good gamble.  Tying your heart to a younger person also keeps you young at heart too.

Mixing up the ages can also have its hazards.  If you’re too far apart age wise, there comes the challenge of what to talk about and the sharing of mutual interests.  Sometimes, it’s just the sex that bonds and keeps you together.  That alone gives you both something to look forward to once the sun goes down—and even when it’s rising. If nothing else holds a relationship together, sex always does.

Food for thought in any case…

Hey Nineteen

Steely Dan 1980

Way back when in ’67
I was the dandy of Gamma Chi
Sweet things from Boston
So young and willing
Moved down to Scarsdale
Where the hell am I?

Hey, nineteen
No, we can’t dance together (We can’t dance together)
No, we can’t talk at all
Please take me along when you slide on down

Hey, nineteen
That’s ‘Retha Franklin
She don’t remember the Queen of Soul
It’s hard times befallen
The sole survivors
She thinks I’m crazy
But I’m just growin’ old

Hey, nineteen
No, we got nothin’ common
No, we can’t dance together
No, we can’t talk at all
Please take me along when you slide on down

The Cuervo…

Adolescence is something that comes twice in life. 

Yes, I said twice.

I remember adolescence—the heat, humidity and sweat of Maryland summer and discovering that stinky aroma reminding me to take a shower. We enter adolescence and begin to smell. It is true.  Men think of adolescence as the onset of youth— peach fuzz on our chins, hair in our armpits, the thickening of our vocal chords and the deepening of our voices – wanting to spread our wings and not be told what to do by the parents – and the corresponding depression associated with youth. 

The tedious process of becoming a man.

For women, the long-awaited arrival of adolescence is the arrival of that dreaded and cursed monthly menstrual cycle every 28 days (for the rest of your lives), a training bra, learning how to apply makeup, developing a circle of friends, fitting in, and high emotion.  Seems everything is emotional for a teen.  Becoming a woman isn’t any easier than it is for a man. 

If anything, it’s harder. 

As teens, we become goofy, clunky, awkward creatures.  We can be clumsy and reckless.  We sometimes make foolish decisions.  We want to fit in—even if it’s with a bad crowd. We want to be liked. Acceptance.  Our bodies grow at different rates.  Irregular bone and soft tissue growth issues cause muscle cramps our parents used to identify as growing pains.  I remember getting shin splints whenever I ran.  I’d get nauseous for no apparent reason.

Hormones were changing fast and we were along for the ride. 

I recall my mother and the school principal wanting to know why I didn’t want to go to school.  I was sick to my stomach a lot—nothing more, nothing less.  Being stupid clueless adults, they suspected I was trying to cut school.  The principal came up with a school project she thought would interest me – which didn’t fix the nausea. 

No one in the adult world believed I had a sick stomach.

It’s not easy being a misunderstood teenager… 

Adolescence is also about the arrival of our sexuality—the euphoria of sexual desire and trying to understand why we have sexual feelings.  Steamy passion and desires we’ve never had before.  And – the never-ending frustration of having to control these desires.

Yet, we were scared to death of them. 

We all remember because we grew up during the sexual revolution and all that free love though very little of it was free. Much of that depending upon when you came of age. Seems like the late 1960s was the peak of the sexual revolution. Woodstock, aside from incredible music and phenomenal performers, was a huge love fest for those who were daring and excited. Some found their lifelong mates there. One couple comes to mind. Their name escapes me. Woodstock was their first date and a union that would last a lifetime. That was 51 years ago.

Many a marriage began with Woodstock.  

Sex Education just didn’t spell it all out clearly enough to where we could understand why our bodies and desires were changing. It was all just so clinical as it was presented by educators and parents.  Sex was never discussed in any capacity in most households unless there happened to be a Dr. Spock book lying around.  It was impossible to believe our parents actually did it. I began to wonder as a teen if I had crawled out from under a rock. 

Our generation still believes it invented sex.   

For a teen, raw emotions are always just under the surface.  You’re not a child anymore, but you’re not an adult either.  You want your independence, yet you still want to be a kid.  It’s the realization that you’re not a child anymore. Adolescence was a time when we struggled to understand who we were and where we were going. We were seeking some sort of identity and an understanding of where we fit in.  For more popular teens—the cheerleaders, jocks, and honor students—those emotional struggles got buried in the madness of popularity, the demands of a busy social life, and having to have your ego stroked. 

Under the surface, the more popular teens struggled from the same emotions most of us did.  They had all of the same insecurities.  They often segued into adulthood and discovered being an adult was a lot tougher than they ever imagined.  Some committed suicide after high school and college or escaped into an unsettling world of drug and alcohol abuse to numb feelings. 

Some recovered.  Some have not.

Depression is something we go through very much alone even when we’re young, and surrounded by family and people who love and need us.  Those who come from troubled homes and abuse as children haven’t always escaped the emotional turmoil of growing up in dysfunctional homes.  They’ve repeatedly gotten sucked back into the insanity or turned tail and ran for their lives. 

Some never looked back.

If your journey has been anything like my own, you’ve found life has been a tapestry of experiences both good and bad that have molded who you are now.  When we are so very young, we’re at climb power as we grow into a career and gain experience.  Sometimes, there’s no career at all—just a job we go to year after year.  With an ounce of luck and raw tenacity, we begin to level off at cruise altitude by the time we are 40 and can finally appreciate the ride.  If you’ve chosen a very competitive career field, the pressure never ends. 

You just have to keep pressing on and carving out a path.    

Perhaps, your career has been the time-honored profession of raising your kids and making a home, which really is the most important career there is because you’re shaping young lives and keeping a home for your family.  Being a homemaker is surely the most thankless profession there is short of being a police officer or career military.  Rarely are you thanked for anything—especially when you have to say no. If you’re raising kids alone or married to someone who’s gone a lot, you have the enormous challenge of doing nature’s toughest job alone.  And, God help you if they’re all sick at the same time and you’re not feeling so well yourself.

Young people coming of age have long been pressured to go to college and seek “honorable” professions to make their parents proud and maintain status in the community. Such is an unfair expectation because this is not always what young people want.  I pen this wondering whatever happened to honorable trades and the teaching of trades—which don’t call for a college degree.  Why aren’t high schools teaching trades anymore?  Whatever happened to teaching young people professions that will serve them well in life?  Not every person born to this apple has to have a college degree.  Have you ever found yourself seeking a good plumber, electrician, carpenter, landscaper, brick layer, roofer, concrete finisher, construction contractor, siding installer, appliance technician, or heating and air conditioning specialist? 

They’re becoming harder to find in this college-bound society.

These are many honorable trades that have always paid well and are virtually recession proof because things always break.  Toilets stop up.  Refrigerators quit.  Furnaces break down when it’s 20 below outside.  Air conditioning quits when it’s 97 degrees with 80% humidity. Cars quit in the middle of busy intersections.  I’ve never heard of a layoff at a plumbing and heating business or an auto repair shop.  There’s always a need for good tradesmen—people who know how to fix things.

This goes for both male and female. There’s not a darned thing a man can do that a woman cannot do even better.

When I graduated from high school, the last thing I wanted to see was another classroom. I hated school.  I went into the Air Force to learn how to repair jet aircraft.  My college was the United States Air Force where I was taught a trade—aircraft maintenance—and even attended college. I got out of the USAF with visions of a high-paying airline mechanic career. There were no jobs to be had. The house was full.  Ironically, I got out of the Air Force and became an automotive journalist—and without a college degree.  It was the training I received in the Air Force and via hands on experience that qualified me to be an automotive technical writer.  I’ve been mentored by great editorial types who showed me how to be a writer.

You never know where life experiences will take you.

Earlier, I mentioned adolescence comes but twice in life and here’s why.  Our adolescence in youth is where we transition from being a child to being an adult.  Adolescence returns when you crest the age of 60 and your mind and body begin to change again.  Our senior years are a return to adolescence.

The intense sexual desire we had at 16 doesn’t have the luster it had a half century ago. It has a very humbling effect on what we think of ourselves. For men, it is especially difficult because our libido has always been a measure of our manhood. For women, menopause brings issues that make sex more challenging than it was in youth. And, damned those stinking hot flashes and sweats in the middle of the night. At our age, sexual moments are fewer and seemingly more special because they become so rare. And, so goes nature.

Many of those same emotions and feelings associated with adolescence in our youth seem to return in our advancing years.  We were getting hair.  Now, we’re losing hair.  We were growing stronger.  Now, it’s challenging to get out of a chair.  We were looking forward to the future.  Today, we’re reflecting upon the past.  Time used to drag on when we were in school or in church.  These days, time seems to roar by at dizzying speed.  Back in the day, we wondered where we were going.  Today, we know where we’ve been. Back then, we couldn’t get enough sex. And now, we’d sooner go bowling or watch old sitcoms.  When we were coming of age, we were afraid of dying.  These days, dying is less of a concern—we’ve lived our lives and it’s all good. Thank God for our longevity.

As we enter our twilight years, feelings we remember from long ago manifest themselves with startling reality.  It’s all so familiar.  It was never easy being a teenager.  And now, it isn’t easy morphing into our twilight years. 

It isn’t easy being a senior citizen despite that token 20% discount at Denny’s.

If you’re 60 and beyond, the best advice I can impart is to find new purpose. Never Lift…always seek something new. There’s plenty of need for volunteers with civic organizations who could use your experience.  Mentor those going through adolescence who seek direction just like you did a lifetime ago.  Hanging with young people keeps you young. 

Perhaps you seeking something that will line your pockets.  Go do it.  Don’t go do something you dread going to go each day.  Go do something you’re going to be passionate about. 

Whatever you decide to do, never back off the throttle.  Continue reaching.    

Ego is a volatile and fragile human dynamic. 

We’re all vulnerable to its dynamics. 

Ego is a survival tool.  It keeps us safe and alive.    

Ego can be your worst enemy.  It can get you maimed or killed. 

Ego also helps you to do better—to excel. 

Ego is what has inspired great things throughout history.

What happens when ego arrives in the middle of a heated discussion?  When two or more parties fail to respectfully disagree?  Arguments become heated when ego takes over and we can’t stand someone not agreeing with us. 

What about that?

What are we afraid of?

A healthy way to live your life is to be okay with a differing opinion.  Differing opinions—viewpoints—are what make the world go around and that’s okay.  This means different cultures and traditions.  Different beliefs.  Varying opinions.  Conservative versus Liberal.  Left versus Right.  Western versus Eastern culture.  Ginger versus Mary Ann.    Peanut butter and chocolate versus Chocolate and Peanut Butter.  Right Twix versus Left Twix.  Stock versus Modified cars and trucks. 

So many debates—so little time.

Conservatism and liberalism work well together if you experience a healthy balance of power where both political parties find common ground and a level of compromise.  One counterbalances the other though some will grind their teeth because it doesn’t go exactly the way they’d planned.  It is when the balance of power becomes decidedly tipped to either side that it becomes very unpleasant.  We’ve become so polarized by political events in recent years that we’ve forgotten how to be civil to one another—to disagree and be civil about it. 

Why must we always agree?

When did it become unfashionable to disagree?

Maybe, it always was—and no one ever talked about it.

In my humble opinion—the polarization of society began with the changing political environment in the first decade of the new millennium.  The sharp divide began with hanging chads and the bitter battle over who won the 2000 election between Al Gore and George W. Bush.  Weeks later, Bush was the apparent victor.  Bush faced baptism by fire with the horrifying events of September 11^th.  It looked like we were on track for real unity, with a brief display of togetherness exhibited by Congress and the masses when we perceived we were under threat in the wake of 9/11/01.

That didn’t last long…

We swiftly lost our way and what we are about – again…

The election of 2008 polarized us, with the division between left and right becoming wider with time and with efforts to unseat the winner.  There were Americans who didn’t care for the changing political landscape.  Then—when nearly everyone was so sure the left would retain power and we were about to elect the first woman president of the United States, Election Night results made monkeys out of the pollsters and the news media.  Americans, so desperate for an answer and feeling like they actually mattered in Washington, threw Pennsylvania Avenue a curve ball – and looked to a very outspoken New Yorker who was going to shake up Washington. 

He did…

Americans had had enough of the status quo from both sides of the aisle.

Career politicians had forgotten them.

Here we are again in a volatile election year promising to be the most polarized ever. Both parties see this election as a fight for the country and the kind of life each wants.  What has been long lost over time is compromise—the ability to see another person’s point of view in any capacity. 

Both sides are unwilling to listen.

I’ve always believed I can learn something useful from someone with whom I disagree.  It’s so easy if you try.  You should go at a discussion with an open mind.  When both parties in a discussion keep open minds, and without conflict, the discussion becomes as smooth as sour cream mashed potatoes. 

For one thing, you each must keep a sense of humor—the ability to laugh with each other and, more importantly, the ability to laugh at yourselves.  A good belly laugh softens any tension amid disagreement. The discussion becomes easier when you’re able to laugh.

Place your ego carefully on the shelf. 

I have close friends—brothers in arms—with whom I disagree politically.  Yet—we volley our thoughts back and forth, digest what we’ve heard each other say, and wind up the discussion in a spirit of mutual respect even when we don’t agree.  We don’t have to agree on everything, and that’s okay.  I’ve learned the dangers of volatile disagreement through the years, and lost friends I’ve known for the better part of a lifetime.  These were friends who will never speak to me again.  They were unable to accept a differing opinion and chose to end our friendship.  It was easier to walk away than it was to try to comprehend a differing opinion. 

Some just can’t.

I have a friend whose son is gay.  When he learned she voted for Donald Trump, he never spoke to her again.  I feel great empathy for both of them because, innocently, she told her son who she voted for. Her son threw away the love of his mother.  She wasn’t prepared for his response and will forever be heartbroken.  Her attempts to reach out to him have been unsuccessful. 

Today’s polarized environment can be compared to the Civil War where families battled against one another.  It was brother against brother, family against family in the bloodiest war in American history.  Scars and sensitivity remain 155 years later. In light of recent events across the country where memorials symbolic of the Confederacy have been removed, the scars run deep and the pain from so long ago unforgivable.    

I tend to be a moderate—with no particular bond with either party.  However, I try to listen to each party and understand its beliefs.  I know what I like about each party—and what I don’t.  I am liberal about some things and conservative about others.  I’ve had one friend who feels if you are a centrist, moderate, or a progressive, you don’t have an opinion.  It’s either right or left, with the middle being no man’s land.  I am afraid I don’t agree.  Being a centrist, moderate, or progressive means keep your mind open to different ideas and opinions—willing to hear each side out while forming an opinion of your own without being too vocal about it. 

Being in a free society has never been easy or simple.  Freedom is a great thing.  Our tolerance with each other is where it gets tricky.  To borrow a quote from the 1995 movie, “The American President,” and Andrew Sheperd’s (actor Michael Douglas) immortal words, “America isn’t easy…you gotta want it bad…”  He goes on to address the challenges of differing opinions and how—as much as you’d like to squelch an opposing opinion, the opponent has the same rights you do and are free to speak.

Peaceful disagreement and mutual respect are goals each of us should be searching for in our relationships.  I value friendship more than I do anyone agreeing with me.  Good solid everlasting friendships that last despite differing opinions are hard to find.  Best advice is to find the value in a differing opinion, shake hands, and play another round.

Steel dashboards.  No seat belts.  Those big Mercury sedans with the power “guillotine” rear window.  Power windows in general.  Lincolns with suicide doors.  Huge finger-smashing car doors.  Hot stoves.  Blistering hot light bulbs.  Outlets without child guard caps.  Bicycles without helmets.  Drinking out of a garden hose.  Huge stainless steel slides and Mom’s box of wax paper.  See-Saws.  Monkey bars.  Skateboards.  Running down the stairs.  And—wandering the neighborhood all by yourself.

When did all that change and why? 

What has made parents so darned protective?

Have we become so overprotective as parents or has this been a logical path toward a safer world for our children?  Seems over the top, doesn’t it?  My sister went off a bicycle at age 8 on a hill, whacked her head, and walked back up the hill in tears with a huge goose egg on her forehead and a concussion.  She had to be rushed to the emergency room.  The concussion and goose egg both went away—and she has led a perfectly normal life ever since. 

Aren’t we just a bit overprotective today?

Perhaps…

Skinned knees and elbows.  Wasn’t that standard childhood abrasion a right of passage?  Just to be a kid you had to have skinned knees and elbows.  Scar tissue is something we earn growing up.  You can review your collection of scars and remember how you got every one of them.  I look at my hands and arms—and even my face—observe the scar tissues, and remember how I managed to injure myself as a child. 

My knees are a study in how badly you can fall and hurt yourself.

Seems we’re most vulnerable when we are teenagers—especially boys—where we are inclined to demonstrate our masculinity beginning with “Hey! Watch this!!!”  I recall working in shipping and receiving at a local department store and slashing my hand to pieces with a box cutter clowning around.  As blood poured out of my right hand, I had to wonder how I could have been so foolish. 

There was the time—age 12—I thought it appropriate to startle a sleeping cat and learned quickly why you never startle a sleeping cat.  I still have a scar on my face as a reminder of why you never startle a sleeping animal.  I always tell people I got that scar in a bar fight in Bangkok when I was in the service. 

“You should have seen the other guy…”

Probably not a good idea to come down a hill at a high rate of speed standing on your bicycle seat— especially when you’re not familiar with irregularities in the pavement.  Gravity and kinetic energy prevail, and we generally get more scar tissue.

The same laws of bicycling and common sense apply to wheelies, burnouts, hand stands on the handlebars, jumping a huge hill, and just about any other act on a bicycle that can get you maimed or killed.

And then, there’s that first motorcycle…

Observing what can be flushed down a toilet may not be hazardous in itself—but can get you killed by an irate parent who had to pay for the plumber.  I think of that whenever I remember flushing popsicle sticks down the toilet at the age of 5.  My parents never forgot.  John Dorsey Plumbing had to come to the house, pull the toilet up, and retrieve the popsicle sticks. 

It was an expense my parents could have done without.

Has anyone ever been poisoned or sickened from drinking out of a garden hose or putting a discarded cigar butt in their mouth?  Perhaps—a little-known phenomenon known as “Discarded Cigar Butt Syndrome.”  Waiting for one of these law firms to come up with a class action lawsuit again garden hose manufacturers, claiming baby boomers drinking from a garden hose as children causes cancer. 

Perhaps…

Did sitting too close to the TV in a dark living room mess up your eyesight?  At 64, seems like it did.  I can’t see anything without my glasses. 

Mom was right…

Have you ever seen anyone with their eyes permanently crossed?  I haven’t either.  Yet, Mom always told me that if I didn’t stop crossing my eyes, they’d get stuck that way.

Ever seen a broken toilet?  Me either.  Yet Mom always said if I kept slamming the seat down, we’d wind up with a broken toilet.

There were days when I hung around her feet while she was cooking, she lamented if I didn’t go away, I was going to get burned.  She was right…

I’ve always thought sticking your finger in a light socket was educational.

It was…

You never forget the intense tingle of alternating current.

Did you ever play in the heavy rain of an intense thunderstorm?  I wouldn’t know because my mother was terrified of lightning.  She had us come in the house and take our places on the foam rubber coach (yeah…she really believed you were safe on a foam rubber sofa). 

Today—I sit outside and watch lightning.

I am still here…

Growing up, I always had an overwhelming fear of being hit by a car.  As a small child, I saw cars as the enemy.  They might run over me.  Ironic is my career as an automotive writer—for four decades.

Guess I got over my fear of automobiles.

All those things parents worry about today have merit.  They’re legitimate concerns, and a whole lot of safety equipment has come to pass as a result.  However, I’ve also found you’ve got to let a kid fall and be hurt from time to time to toughen them up.  It helps them learn to cope with physical and mental anguish.

As tough old boomers who had to trudge to school uphill in the snow – both ways – we tend to laugh at snowflake millennials for such overwhelming drama over seemingly little things.  We’re guilty of the same thing our parents were guilty of—wanting them to have a better time of it than we had.

Guilty as charged…

Isn’t it remarkable what our sense of smell does for memory? 

I will be in a shopping mall, or perhaps in a park, and get a whiff of a good cigar in the air and I can feel my grandfather’s embrace and hear his laughter. My grandfather was the quintessential gentlemen. He’d bounce me on his knee and show me how to make a fist and life was whole and safe.

My granddaddy was a safe harbor for an insecure little boy.  

And, what about the sweet smell of a good barbecue with burgers and hot dogs on the grille on a hot summer afternoon?  The official smell of suburbia someone should have figured out how to bottle a long time ago. 

Doesn’t this give you the overwhelming desire to go play kickball, get out your Barbies, or haul out your Tonka toys and play in the dirt?

Memory is a remarkable thing. 

Our sense of smell is an amazing memory trigger.  Any time I smell rubbing alcohol, it reminds me being five and getting a polio shot.  I can even feel the sting and hear my childhood pediatrician, Dr. Sartwell, “I’m going to give you a booster…” which meant a shot in the butt.  Shots can be so terrifying for a child and even adults.  There are those who would rather slam their hand in a car door than get a shot.

Poor souls…

Crisp, cool autumn evenings are good for the smell of woodsmoke from fireplaces that have been snoozing all summer.  It is such an incredible aroma because the smell of burning wood while you’re walking in the dusk is a smell that has been around for thousands of years.  It’s the same smell George Washington took into his nose after he chopped down that cherry tree and tried to hide the evidence from his father. 

And to think, all this time, I believed he couldn’t tell a lie.

Personally, I think we were all lied to about George, don’t you?

Woodsmoke was a euphoric reminder Christmas was coming.  As a child, I didn’t think about that much except that smell meant a huge toy fallout on Christmas Morning with the family and not having to go to school.

Big pluses.

The smell of burning plastic, which contains cyanide gas and is fatal if consumed in large quantities, reminds me of the apartments where I lived in the early 1960s.  Our apartment complex in Laurel, Maryland had trash incinerators where tenants could dump their garbage.  Each building in the Steward Manor complex had a chute on each floor.  Personnel would go to the basement of each building and start the incinerator fire, then, collect the ashes later. 

Problem with that logic was air pollution.  The smell of cyanide gas—burning plastic—permeated the complex and probably gave tenant long issues later on.  So much so that whenever I smell burning plastic, it takes me back to the early 1960s and that beloved apartment community.  The EPA outlawed trash incinerators in the 1970s. 

When I fire up the Cuisinart in the mornings for that first cup of coffee, I long for the smell of a freshly lit cigarette, which was lit by a match, to accompany that first cup.  I’ve never been a smoker—however, my father was.  He’d fire up the Sunbeam percolator.  It would perk like the Maxwell House commercials, “boop-ba-boo-boo-boop-boop!” and he’d wait patiently for that first cup. 

My father loved his coffee black.  He also loved his cigarettes and beer.  He’d light up a Salem and, my goodness, that fresh lit match and cigarette combo along with the aroma of good coffee.  Always good on a cold morning. 

Wasn’t long before there was a can of Bud’ sitting on his end table.

Also terrific on a cold morning was the aroma of a freshly lit gas furnace.  Fall mornings when my mother would switch the HVAC system to “heat” and fire our vintage Westinghouse furnace.  Dust that had accumulated on the combustors over the summer would burn off and deliver a smell signaling Halloween and Christmas were coming.

Whenever I smell green beans, mashed potatoes, and stuffing, I am reminded of a modest little apartment galley kitchen just off Route 50 and Pershing Drive in Arlington, Virginia some 60 years ago.  My grandmother would be in the kitchen with a GE twin fan in a casement window roaring along on high while dinner simmered on a small gas stove.  When it was time for clean-up, my grandmother washed dishes by hand.  Dishwashers were considered a luxury and she wasn’t having any part of that. 

My grandfather was a stickler about maintenance on anything and everything.  Before he went to bed each night, he’d check the pilot lights on that petite gas stove to make sure they were lit.  Sounds odd today to speak of pilotless ignition, which has been around for decades.  To forget to check the pilots in those days meant the risk of a house full of highly combustible natural gas.

Why does the smell of diesel exhaust remind me of those headaches I got as a child?  Perhaps it was sitting in the back seat of an old Plymouth while my ol’ man navigated the streets of Washington, D.C. on a miserably hot and humid day amid those old Detroit-diesel powered GMC fishbowl busses and all that black smoke.  We didn’t have air-conditioned cars in those days.  Few people did.  We inhaled and had to like it.

Preview(opens in a new tab)

In those days, my dad would roar down the Baltimore-Washington Parkway past the Pepsi Cola bottling plant just outside the District Line and connect with New York Avenue, which vectored us to the heart of Washington, around the Lincoln Memorial, and across Memorial Bridge to the traffic circle in front of the Arlington National Cemetery.  We’d get onto the George Washington Parkway, which segued around to the west and south to my grandparents’ home in Arlington. 

In the spring and summer, you could smell clover and honeysuckle and it was so intoxicating.  In spring, it meant summer was at our feet.  With warmer temperatures came hope.  The freedom of spring and summer.

Do you remember those first heavy rainstorms of summer and the sweet smell of wet concrete as the storms unfolded? As those first raindrops began hitting the pavement, you couldn’t get enough air into your lungs. It was incredible. And, in the desert, even more incredible.  Living in California, I miss those more traditional smells and climatic nuances you folks in the east experience in springtime.

I will always be an East Coast boy…    

Another smell was hot asphalt being laid down somewhere in all that Washington traffic.  Always gave me a headache.  I guess you could call it remarkable all the things we managed to survive as kids that have fallen from grace.  They’re not politically or morally correct anymore.  Whenever I roll up in front of an airport terminal, there’s that diesel exhaust smell—yet it isn’t diesel exhaust.  It is hot jet exhaust, which comes from a very similar fuel known as kerosene.  Any way you slice or dice the smell of diesel or jet power—it still stinks.   

The smell of stale perfume.  Do you remember that?  Man, I do…

My mother loved Wind Song Perfume by Prince Matchabelli.  It must have been a combination of her body chemistry and Wind Song that made for a unique aroma that makes me ill to this day.  While Wind Song might evoke sweet memories for some, all I can remember is being carsick and memories of my mother cleaning me up.  Wind Song was first introduced by Prince Matchabelli in 1953.  According to Wikipedia, “Wind Song perfume has a complex but balanced construction that brings together florals with fruity, green middle notes. The scent finishes with hints of musk and amber.”

Wind Song’s ad slogan was, “I can’t seem to forget you, your Wind Song stays on my mind…”  For me?  Memories of throwing up in the back seat of a dusty old Plymouth.

Amid June heat and humidity in an oppressive graduation gown at the Cole Field House at the University of Maryland, I got in line and walked up to receive my high school diploma.  Bowie Senior High School in Bowie, Maryland experienced one of its largest graduating classes ever—if not the largest at more than 900 graduates. 

June 15, 1975 was a big day for me because no one ever believed I’d graduate from high school.  I was a terrible student.  My parents and siblings sat there spellbound in a very surreal moment.  I believe my mother passed out—and not from the heat either.  I review my report card today and wonder how on Earth I did it.  I had more E’s than an energy-efficient refrigerator.  In most places, an “F” indicated a failing grade.  Prince George’s County Schools in suburban Maryland just outside of Washington had a different approach. 

An “E” was a failing grade.

I majored in Study Hall where I laid my head on the desk and napped.  I learned by osmosis.  All that knowledge in the classroom was absorbed into my head to where somehow, I wound up with a diploma.  I used to skip Homeroom for breakfast at McDonald’s  In truth, I was too stupid to understand that if you skipped Homeroom, you were counted at absent that day.  That worked until my mother got a call from the vice principal wanting to know where I was.

I wound up walking to school for the next few weeks.

Ten years later, I was invited to Bowie Senior High School’s Class of 1975’s 10^th Reunion at the Capital Centre—known unofficially as the Cap’ Center located in Landover, Maryland.  When the Capital Center was razed and replaced with one of those town center shopping malls in 2002, it was a reminder of how long ago my 10^th reunion was. 

At your 10^th reunion, most of your classmates still look the same to where you still recognize them.  Bowie High’s Class of 1975 hasn’t been much on reunions in the years since 1985.  Hasn’t been much interest through the years.  Looks like a 45th reunion is scheduled for this fall if it isn’t canceled due to COVID. 

If you’re in your sixties or seventies, you understand the emotion I am about to impart.  A 10^th reunion is one thing.  The 45^th is quite another.  We will each approach our class reunions differently.  If you’ve been very successful, look like a Gentleman’s Quarterly magazine cover with greying temples, and are CEO of a corporation, you’re going to feel pretty good about yourself walking into a class reunion. 

However, if life has had its share of struggle and you’re working at the McCormick pepper factory separating pepper grains from fly droppings, there’s plenty of apprehension ahead.  Your class reunion is going to be hard on the ego and for good reason.

You’re going to have to be creative. 

Face it—you’re going to have to lie.  “Man, you look great!” which is the first lie when you’re silently evaluating how they’ve aged versus how you’ve aged.  “Yeah, I am a vice president at McCormick…”  That’s the second lie.  And, what the heck, are they really going to go to McCormick’s website to see if your name is on the masthead?  If you’re going to lie at a class reunion, lie big and tell them about the $3 million bonus you got last year and how you’ve copped a nice spread in Malibu overlooking the vast Pacific. 

Any way you slice or dice class reunions, it’s always about charting your progress against the progress of others.  When you bump into an old buddy and they tell you they’re the head of tropical medicine at Vanderbilt, you’re going to have to work up a good story quickly and tell them you’re the head of Body Engineering at Ford Motor Company.  Spool it up and tell them about the days and nights refining the new Ford GT.  Heck, who’s going to know? 

Then—hope they don’t have a cousin who’s in management at Ford.

Imagine the stories told at class reunions.  It would be virtually impossible to find a class reunion without its share of embellishment.  At this age, we all want to feel like we’ve accomplished great things throughout our lives—even if we haven’t.  Don’t tell them about the rented tux or evening gown borrowed from your cousin Mavis. 

Have your story ready weeks before the reunion. 

If you’re not feeling good about yourself, think about the lives you’ve touched and made better no matter how small.  Think about your success as a parent and what you’ve molded your children and grandchildren to be over a lifetime.  I have a granddaughter old enough to have children—which would make me a great grandparent.  That is quite an accomplishment—living long enough to become a great grandparent. 

Bask in the glow of your family’s success if you can.

Maybe, you had to raise three kids all alone.  Do you understand what a great accomplishment that is?  It is one thing to run a corporation or design a popular car.  It is quite another to raise children—alone—work two jobs to make ends meet and do it all well—alone.  If you are very much alone, there are days when you must surely feel defeated.  Perhaps, you’ve gotten a call from the school and your son has been suspended for fighting. 

Time lost from work.  Well—chalk it up to experience and scar tissue.  There’s a lot to be said for not having a choice.  You will get through it.

A modest paycheck becomes a few dollars smaller for lost time.  And, then there’s the tough task of explaining to your son why it better never happen again.  The thankless job of being challenged by a cocky teen.  Perhaps you’re an aging baby boomer caring for a sick parent in their nineties who requires constant care along with raising your kids, who perhaps failed to launch or lost jobs, and grand kids. 

An aging parent’s fragile life is in your hands.  Going to a movie or catching a bite with a friend are out because you must be there all the time to make sure a parent doesn’t injure themselves or forget their medication.  These are the life experiences that encompass heroes—not sports figures who are perceived heroes.  Caring for someone carries more weight with me than rising to the top of the corporate ladder.  Caregivers are angels on loan from heaven.  They are the ones who care for others around the clock without asking for anything in return.  They do it out of love.

Class reunions encompass people from all walks.  Those who’ve done very well.  Some who’ve held their own.  And, those who are jobless due to the pandemic wondering how to survive and feed their families.  We spend time at class reunions wondering where we fit into the picture and how to feel good about ourselves.

Tell you what I’ve learned in life, and it has taken time.  Don’t waste your energy competing with the Jones.  It is never good to look at someone who has been highly successful professionally or perhaps inherited a ton of money with envy because there’s no point. 

And, do you know why?

Because we’re each on our own individual life journeys.  Some of us were destined to be very successful professionally—and with the drive necessary to get there.  However, those with a legacy of great business success have also had to sacrifice all-important time with their families if they have any.  They’ve missed the most important dance they ever could have had—their kids and their spouse—because their primary objective has been to rise to the top—the oft told, “I’ve got this company grossing $800 million annually…”

That’s nice… 

Did you remember to spend time with your family?

I’ve always been a workaholic—a middle class automotive journalist who has spent a lot of time on the road, been twice divorced, and focused primarily on my career as a writer.  Having a career and being a good provider has always been everything to me.  Emotionally, however, my family has paid dearly because I’ve never bee successful at achieving balance.

Has this happened to you?

Are you wondering what happened to time?

There’s the adrenaline of career success and the pursuit of the next wrung on the corporate ladder.  And—there’s the endless passion of doing what I do as a writer.  One day, you find yourself semi-retired in the wake of another layoff wondering what’s next. 

You’ve missed the dance, and your kids and grandkids have moved on.

Be not someone who envies another’s success.  Be grateful for what you have.  If you have the love of family and friends surrounded by those who love you—that’s your mark of success.  There’s nothing greater.

And don’t forget to pick up your tux.    

Actor and Comedian Eddie Murphy was correct when he said the mind was a terrible thing.  Mine gets really terrible at times.  I like to think of the things most of us think about, but rarely talk about.  I remember my mom unloading our GE Filter-Flo washer back in the 1960’s – lamenting the clothes were inside out.

She was plenty flustered, having to turn all the clothes right side out.  This was a pain in the ass in 1965 and remains a source of real rectal discomfort today.  We had those traditional classic American-made washing machines with their oscillating and reciprocating agitators that rarely needed repair and lasted more than 20 years.  Where they fell short was that bizarre “clothes inside out” phenomenon. I swear you could load clothes inside out and they would emerge from the machine inside out.

It’s a conspiracy…

Fast forward a half century to 2020 and these new-fangled water-saving washing machines with “Tilt-A-Whirl” agitators, which do nearly everything short of hanging clothes up for you and offering you a drink and what happens?  Clothes still come out of the darned machine inside out!  And now, it is I who is lamenting clothes being inside out.  And, yes, I do the laundry in the household.  I vacuum and I clean too.

Why?

Because I enjoy cleaning.   I like the time-honored custom of taking something cruddy and making it nice.

I confess—I am textbook obsessive-compulsive and deeply nuts.

In the 50 years since I was an impressionable adolescent, we’ve put humans on the Moon, invented night-vision laser-guided weapons, developed global positioning to where there’s nowhere to hide, and improved the average bowl of chocolate pudding (that makes your poop green for St. Patrick’s Day) yet we can’t develop a washer that delivers clothing right side out.  There needs to be a multi-million-dollar government study with strobes and stop-action cameras to determine why this continues to happen.

Take A Step Back 

This is but one thing I’ve been thinking about that has me perplexed. Can anyone explain why—when you can’t find your glasses—they’re always on your head? Or here’s another one. Why when you’re coming down a flight of stairs, you think you’re at the last step when you’re actually at the next to the last step and you trip and fall on your face?  My staircase has 16 steps.  Normally there are 13 steps with an 8-foot ceiling.

What keeps us from mentally counting steps on the way down?

Package Store

This one pertains to men only.  For decades, perhaps centuries, men’s underwear has been equipped with that little fold access door in front that enables men to pee standing up at a toilet or urinal.  Ditto for most men’s pants and pajamas.  Men are equipped with outdoor plumbing.

Seems straightforward to me.

Can anyone explain to me why that little access door has vanished from some men’s undergarments and pajamas?  Man, when I gotta pee in the middle of the night I don’t feel like searching for access, then find I’m forced to sit down.  There’s nothing quite like marching up to a urinal fumbling around with your underwear and personal parts only to discover the that little access fold isn’t there.  If you’re lucky, there will be an empty stall for you to reserve your seat.

A woman conceived this idea for men’s underwear because no man ever could –  especially if they’ve been half asleep in the middle of the night and pee’d all over themselves, and had to mop the floor and change pajamas afterward.

What the hell is this—gender-neutral underwear?

Taking A Brake

How many times can anyone release a parking brake?  For me—dozens of times it seems.  I hop in my truck, start the engine, release the brake, put it in gear, release the brake, start backing up, release the brake, begin to drive, and release the brake again—just to be sure.  It’s a strange form of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) where you’re not sure you’ve released the parking brake—so you keep checking to see if you released it again and again.

Senior moment?  Perhaps…

Except I was doing this 20 years ago…

There’s a reason for this madness.  A good friend of mine was participating in the Cannonball Baker Sea To Shining Sea Memorial Trophy Dash (a coast to coast road race from New York City to the California Pacific) in a 1965 Shelby Mustang when he stopped for gas in New Mexico.  He forgot to release the parking brake and wound up with no brakes.  That cost him any chance of winning the race because he had to stop and get it fixed.  The spoils went to a guy with a Porsche Turbo Carrera, who probably remembered to release the parking brake.

Repetitive Speech

Remember when your grandparents told the same old stale story again and again?  Do you find your kids and grandkids saying, “You’ve already told me that…”  Best to keep a computerized list of stale stories you’ve told.

Doing All the Same Stuff Your Parents Did

Man, are you kidding?  When you entered adulthood, did you ever find your parents decidedly annoying?  Perhaps, more annoying than when you were growing up?  My parents never put plastic over the upholstery or kept the same Western Electric dial telephone—but they did lay guilt trips.  “It would be nice to hear from you, Jamie…”  and “Only a real creep forgets his mother’s birthday…” or “You really hurt your sister’s feelings…”  All this by age 35…

My mother never allowed me to forget…

Leaving Home Movies as…Home Movies

We live in such a digital age.  Seems everyone is converting home movies, audio tapes, and snap shots to some form of digital media.  Are you one of those who refuses?  Time to see Super 8 home movies of that trip to Cypress Gardens in 1966.  Where did I last store that old Bell & Howell movie projector?  And, the screen.  Where the hell is the screen?  Oh—down in the basement.  Damned thing’s all moldy.

Are you one of these?

Dozens of home movies still in film format.  Cassette and reel-to-reel tapes still in their boxes.  Photo albums full of snap shots from the time you were born.

If you’re like most of us, the parents are gone and who you gonna share these old relics with?  Do you think your kids are going to want to see them?

Nah—pass…

Now’s the time to digitize.  Yes…really…

Finding Yourself Hobbling Along Like Amos McCoy…

Ever find yourself hobbling around the house because everything hurts?  You don’t even realize you’re doing it until your grandson says, “Granddaddy, did you hurt yourself?”  “No why?”  “Because you’re walking funny…”

Time to take another look at your stride… 

Obsessing Over The Squirrel

You know you saw your mother do this—and swore up and down you’d never do it.  Welcome to the gateway of old age.  My mother sat by her bedroom window at age 75 and watched nature outside.  If I heard about the squirrel once, I heard about it five thousand times.  I wonder what she did when the squirrel went into hibernation.

Fast forward to the here and now.  At 64, I find myself obsessing over the weather in a place where there is no weather—California.  I am an East Coast Mid-Atlantic guy who used to watch for the weather.  It varied from day to day.  Warm and Humid.  Chance of rain.  Severe thunderstorms expected.  Winter storm warning.

It gave you something to look forward to.

Los Angeles is one of those places where it is pointless to look out the window to see what it’s doing.  Yet, I continue to do it.  Define insanity…  Los Angeles TV news proudly announces Triple-Doppler radar with digital technology.  What are they looking for?  Not a cloud in the sky and they have Triple-Doppler radar?  Why does Los Angeles even have weather forecasters?  There’s nothing to forecast, yet I keep looking out the window for something that isn’t there.  It’s like my mother looking for a squirrel that has died or moved on to someone else’s yard.

Good grief!!!  I’ve become my mother!!!

Voicemail…

Talk about something more pointless than California weather?  Leaving a voicemail for young people.  They never check their voicemail and their voicemail is always full.  What’s more, they never leave a voicemail—they just hang up.

Their cop out?

Caller ID meaning you should know they called.

One More Thing About Voicemail

Back when answering machines were a new phenomenon, callers needed instructions.  “At the tone…leave your message…”  Someone please explain to me why we need extensive detailed instructions today on what to do when you hear the tone.

Too Much Choice

Find yourself irritated with multiple choice?  You call the bank and are presented with an array of choices known as prompts.  Anything to keep you from reach a human.  And, another thing….stop calling tellers BANKERS.  “To speak with a banker…press 4…”  What the hell is that?!

Trying to return an item?

Good Luck…

You are presented with more prompts than anyone could ever remember, not to mention the cost of shipping something back.  They’re hoping you will just go away.

Due To High Call Volume…

Know what’s getting my bowels in an uproar?  That recording advising you that due to the high volume of calls there’s a 20-minute wait or you have 46 people ahead of you.  Does anyone really buy this malarkey?  Truth—they’ve laid off 462 phone staffers and there are three left to handle call volume.  Keeps stockholders happy.

The best of luck to you.

The Elimination Of Phone Numbers

Have you noticed the disappearance of telephone numbers from websites?  There’s email and there’s chat.  Good luck on that.  Rarely do they respond to an email—too easy to ignore.  Or an automated chat where you think you’re actually talking with a human.  Technology has made it such that you perceive there’s a person on the other end when in fact you’re chatting with a server.

Synthesized Human Voice

Ever experienced this?  Phone rings and it looks like a local number when, in fact, it’s a robocall.  The voice is synthesized—fake—usually beginning with “Hi!  Just calling to tell you about new lower mortgage lending rates!!!”

Yeah…tell your story walking.

Self-Checkout

Here’s another attempt for Wall Street to eliminate humans from the retail process.  Lowes, as one example, has a bunch of checkout stands and four self-checkouts.  Self-checkouts are out of order or cash only or card only.  There are all these checkout stands with the hopelessness of the light out—on a Saturday when people are doing that home improvement thing.

Someone explain to me why anyone should engage in self-checkout.  Hey Lowes, you gonna give me a discount for doing your job?  Self-checkout…  Eliminates jobs and forces the customer to double as a checkout person.

I refuse to use it.

There’s always a line of hopeless patrons without a prayer at Lowes and at Home Depot.  Six feet apart to where few customers understand where to stand.  There are those unscrupulous characters who like to cut to the front of the line claiming they didn’t know where the line began.  That’s always good for conflict and Jerry Springer Show style fist fights among the uncivilized.

The economics of America.  These big mega stores like Lowes and Home Depot managed to run all of the Mom and Pop hardware stores out of business to where they’re the only game in town (at least where I live).  And now, being the monopoly they are—“Unhappy with our service?  Too bad…”

And now…Amazon is running them out of business.

Too bad…

Investors Who Don’t Invest

True investors actually invest in something that will grow.  At least that’s the way it is supposed to be.  These short attention span, attention deficit types who hopscotch from one investment to another in a matter of days don’t invest in anything.

They take…

Real investors—like Andrew Carnegie, J. Paul Getty, Henry Ford and like industry titans saw the value in investing in people and in communities.  They conceived companies that provided good paying jobs with benefits that enabled their employees to afford and buy the products they made.  Henry Ford clearly understood that if he paid a decent wage, employees and their friends and neighbors would buy Fords.  The circle of success.  Take good care of your people and they will take care of you.

We’ve lost our way.  It’s all about now and to hell with the future.

This Won’t Hurt, Did It?

The human mind hasn’t changed much in 100 years.  It takes a certain amount of time to process what’s placed in front of your face.  Yet—millennial mindset seems to be in nanoseconds.  This won’t hurt, did it?  With the speed of a rabbit having sex.

Sorry, Gang, I am a baby boomer who thinks at “33 1/3” vinyl record speed.  Watch the news and you will see what I mean.  They post a graphic that vanishes before you’ve even had a chance to read it.

Good grief!!!

Slow your roll…

 

These are but a few things befuddling me this morning.

Do you have friends you’ve never dreamed you’d be without—“adopted” brothers and sisters who’ve become extended family through the years? I think of long-time friends as soulmates—kindred spirits who’ve become an inseparable part of my life.  The biggest challenge for me as a friend has been the need to do a better job of staying in touch. I have a profound hearing loss, which tends to keep me from the telephone.

Thoughts often turn to those who have flowed in and out of my life.

Does this ever happen to you?

There are friends you’ve never thought would fade away because you’d done so much together.  You’ve worked with them.  Been neighbors.  Traveled together.  Taken cruises together.  Slept in the same tent or crashed in the same hotel rooms.  Dirtied the same towels together.  Gotten drunk together.  Seen them through both pain and good fortune.  Watched them raise kids.  Grieved losses with them.  And – enjoyed many a cookout together.

Life’s stories with great friends become endless and ongoing and you just can’t get enough of them.  One day—they move away, take a new job, retire, become seriously ill, or cultivate other interests and you drift apart.

They move on…

Perhaps it was you who moved on…

It seems once a close friend or neighbor moves away, your relationship is never quite the same though you each have the best of intentions.  Distance sometimes does that.  Staying close takes commitment and tenacity.  Rare is the acquaintance who stays in close touch.  Sometimes, you find yourself reaching out, yet the reception is lukewarm.

It aches and it hurts – and becomes a profound sense of loss.

I’ve been in the publishing business for 37 years and I’ve lived all over the place.  Not all moves have been career.  I left my home in Maryland to enter the United States Air Force at the age of 21.  I returned to Maryland for a short time following military service, then began pursuing a career as an automotive journalist and historian.  I was handed the opportunity of a lifetime at age 28.  It opened the door to the rest of my life.

There has been the heartbreak of divorce—two of them.

Sometimes, moves are just wanderlust—the desire to be someplace else.  I’ve lived in places I’ve hated.  I’ve lived in places I’ve loved.  My most favorite place in the world is the American heartland—the Great Plains.  In particular, St. Louis, Missouri.  The Illinois prairie.  The rolling hills of Missouri and Iowa.  Incredibly flat and wide-open Oklahoma.  The Texas low country.  I will always have a deep passion for Mid-America.

There’s no place I’d rather be.

The American heartland is real.  It loves.  It hates.  You always know where you stand for better or worse.  People are genuine.  They become your friends and there’s no doubt you will keep those connections for the rest of your lives.  They will always stay in touch.  The prairieland gives and it surely takes.  Winters are harsh.  Transitional seasons can be hell with violent weather.  There’s either no rain or more than you ever wanted.  Weather patterns in the American heartland teach us Mother Nature is in charge.  She’s always there to remind us.

The Midwest is life in its most genuine form.

In all these moves, I’ve lost treasured friends who just faded away.  Extraordinary friends stay close regardless of circumstances.  Like homing pigeons, they always fly home.  You’ll be watching a movie or working in the garage and the phone rings, “Hey Jimbo!”  They’ve returned and you pick up right where you left off.

That special connection never died.

When I think of lifelong friendships, I think of a brother in arms back home in Maryland—Karl Endlich.  We met through a passion for classic Ford Mustangs.  We launched The Eastern Shore Mustang Association.  He was 17.  I was 25.  We met and just clicked.  We’re now considerably older now—each with health issues—but hell bent to hang on.  Karl has always called Maryland’s Eastern Shore—the Delmarva Peninsula—home.  He was brought up there and never left.  His passion is farm implements, making love to the soil, and watching life spring from the dirt.

An authentic Shore boy.

Karl and I met and have been the best of friends ever since.  We understand each other in an extraordinary way.  We share a passion function.  Doesn’t matter what it does long as it functions.  Karl once said to me, “It is when a whirling mass of titanium steel blades spin in a circle, ignition and fuel are applied, and that whirling mass of steel becomes a living, breathing thing.” Karlie was talking about the Rolls Royce RB211 turbofan jet engine, which has powered a number of jetliners including the Boeing 747, 757, 767, and the Lockheed 1011.

Karl and I have gone for years and not spoken.  Yet, we always pick up right where we left off and will burn up a phone line for hours.  Subject matter?  Anything…  We have very similar beliefs though we don’t always agree—and that’s okay.  Karl has turned up with cancer and is fighting it with everything he has.  He’s tough.  He’s a shore boy and that’s all you need to know.  We will always be brothers.

The time I spent in the USAF yielded another lifelong buddy—Lt. Col. Doug Jantzen, who was my sponsor, my boss, and ultimately my neighbor at my first and only duty station at Altus Air Force Base, Oklahoma.  Doug and I became the best of friends, and for a long time.  We met in November of 1977 and never really lost track of one another.  He showed me the ropes of C-5 Galaxy and C-141 Starlifter aircraft.  Few knew these aircraft better than Doug.  If Doug couldn’t fix it, you might as well throw it away.

He could fix anything…

I’ve lived all over the place as had Doug.  He served his country like few have.  He tied his heart and his mind to three things—his wife, Sherry; the United States Air Force, and God.  Fierce commitment to what he believed—Sherry, God and Country.  Doug served his country for 41 years and was mandated to retire or he would have stayed in the USAF until he expire.  He loved the Air Force and the people he worked with.  There wasn’t anyone who didn’t love Doug.  When he retired, people came from all over the world to Columbus AFB, Mississippi to witness this event.  Few ever stay as long as he did.

Tears flowed…

Seemed unfair.

More unfair was Doug’s diagnosis with a brain tumor seven months into his retirement.  He fought a tough fight for two and a half years with Sherry at his side, then, passed and returned home to God.  Doug was a loyal friend and for a long time.  He always managed to find me, and I always managed to find him.  He’d call and I’d hear his all too familiar voice, “Jimmy Boy, this is Doug…”  And so it went for a long time.

If ever you’ve served with someone, they become a brother for life.

And finally, there’s my high school sweetheart, Robin Kramer, whom I’ve known since 1974.  We were young, in love, and had a lot to learn.  She loved me to a fault and I was decidedly self absorbed.  We both moved on and found love in other people.  Had she and I married, she never would have met Terry – and Terry was a good man who worshiped Robin.  They had it good for 24 years until Terry was lost to a massive heart attack.  It devastated her like nothing ever has.  I wasn’t sure she would even survive the grief.  However, Robin has always been a unique kind of survivor.

Robin is one of those very committed friends who has been a close chum for 46 years.  Though we broke up and never got back together, we’ve remained lifelong friends.  Her commitment to our friendship has never wavered.  She has been through a lot of health issues and nearly been lost to heart issues that began with a virus infection.

She is a tough survivor and wonderful friend.

I’ve lived in the Southern California desert for 26 years and I’m feeling that wanderlust thing again.  Yet, I am 64 and not feeling it when it comes to moving.  You know, the idea of packing up a house and leaving a place you’ve lived for a third of your life.  Been in this house 20 years—the longest I’ve lived anywhere.  I came to Los Angeles for a career opportunity approaching three decades ago.  I had a five-year plan to gain experience and wound up staying.  Been through two layoffs—the joys of the instability of the publishing industry.  I never wanted to live here to begin with because—well—I am an East Coast boy and always will be.  I like exciting weather.  Southern California doesn’t have that.  If you don’t like the weather in California, stick around, it will be the same.  Perpetual sunshine all the time…

Expecting rain?  Forget about it.

In a strange sort of way, Los Angeles and the surrounding desert lands have become home, due mostly to the people I’ve known and bonded with in the three decades I’ve lived here.  It will be emotionally hard to leave So’ Cal’ when the day comes because it’s always hard to say goodbye.  Instead – it is best to say “so long…”

What about you?  What’s your story of friendship?

 

My how we romanticize the wonder years of mid-20th century America—simpler times, less to be concerned about, homemade pie, riding our bikes, playing kickball, hide and go seek, Mom’s meatloaf, cool period toys, sitting on Grandpa’s knee, listening to old-time stories, walks in the neighborhood and— retreating to the world of sweet imagination where anything was possible.  If you could believe it, it could be done.

The good old days…

However…were they always good?

When we were growing up in the fifties and sixties, we were just goofy kids with not a care in the world.  Worrying was for grownups—not us.  We romanticize the 1950s and ‘60s because we had little to worry about unless we grew up in troubled homes—and there was plenty of that to go around.  Abusive parents or grandparents.  Alcoholism and drug abuse.  Physical and mental abuse.  Battling parents.  Divorce.

Memories that have haunted us all our adult lives.

It has often been said kids are resilient—they will grow past it.  But, have they?  How’s that working for you—especially if you were a victim of some unspeakable form of child abuse.  Only your imagination can limit that one.  I was naïve.  Abuses went on in my neighborhood I’ve only recently learned about from victims who are now in their sixties.

If you grew up with a mentally abusive parent or grandparent, you undoubtedly struggle with low self-esteem and high anxiety.  If you were raised by supportive parents, you’ve no doubt enjoyed a better adulthood and passed the goodness along to your kids.  Sometimes, childhood is more a mix of good and bad.  One loving parent and one decidedly abusive.  Or—one parent suffering from mental illness.  If you were a popular kid in school, life was good.  If you were like me, a chubby dork with horn rim glasses, you had a target written on your forehead, and every bully within a mile could sniff you out to knock schoolbooks out of your arms.

Seems those who were popular in my high school haven’t accomplished much as adults.  They never grew beyond high school.  They were big fish in a small pond.  Enormous egos got the best of them and they became complacent.  They’d never been through any real adversity as children and got whatever they wanted—ultimately facing tougher times as adults without Mommy and Daddy to catch them.  They haven’t been able to cope with the pressures of adulthood.  They’ve resorted to drugs and alcohol to feel better about themselves instead of doing what they could to get ahead.  Just my observation based on what I’ve seen since high school.

By the same token, there have been kids who were among the huddled high school masses who’ve been successful adults because growing up was always about struggle.  They had to toughen up or be swallowed up by the bullies, beauty queens, and jocks.  They entered adulthood ready to take on the world.

The innocence of childhood was what isolated us from what was going on in the world in the 1950s and 1960s.  If you grew up in a nice quiet suburban American neighborhood where friends played together and bonded, life was good—like the TV show “The Wonder Years.”  That show from the 1990s reminds us of why we love our childhood memories.  “The Wonder Years” also captured the struggles of adolescence, and there was plenty of that.  The older brother from hell.  Greatest Generation parents with more conservative values.  History class, which put us to sleep.  Teenage crushes.  Being rejected.  Discovering the arrival of adolescence on a hot day when you learn you stink very much bad and need a shower.

Damn, never noticed that smell before.

Most of us grew up in the cocoon of suburban life while others lived the toughness of urban life in a city walkup with bullies on every corner.  I grew up in an isolated tract house community 26 miles outside of Washington, D.C.  When we moved into our new home just before Christmas of 1965, this Bowie, Maryland community was as quiet as it gets because we were in the middle of the vast no man’s land between Washington, Baltimore and Annapolis.  We were out in the country and self-contained.  Rural Maryland was a magical place to grow up because there was little to worry about—that is, for a kid.  Plenty for adults to be worried about.

For adults, who had huge responsibilities at the time, there was a lot to be concerned about—the Vietnam War, the draft, civil unrest, the Cold War with the Soviet Union and China, a rising cost of living, debt, financial worries, diseases we don’t have to sweat today like Small Pox and Polio, and more.  Great parents made sure we didn’t know about these things.  They wanted us to enjoy childhood.

We’d be grown soon enough.

We romanticize the 1960s.  Yet—there were three assassinations including a young U.S. president, John F. Kennedy, in 1963 and the utter shock of two more including a greatly admired civil rights leader, Dr. Martin Luther King, and the slain president’s brother and esteemed senator, Bobby Kennedy, at a political rally in Los Angeles—both in 1968.  There were riots over the war and civil rights.

The 1960s wasn’t at all what we boomers believe it was.  Great for kids living in quiet suburbia.  Not so good for adults trying to make sense of it all.

The oldest boomers had it tougher because they had the draft to sweat out.  A whole lot of us born between 1946 and the early 1950s had the Vietnam draft and the lotteries to worry about.  I personally knew several who went to Vietnam and never came home.  There were others who came home badly wounded.  The Vietnam War was a faraway place for a boy like me at age 12.  That is, until my stepbrother lost his right leg to a Claymore mine in Vietnam and was brought home to the Walter Reed Army Hospital in Washington.  That’s where I saw men badly torn up from war.

Vietnam was suddenly very real—and bloody.

The 1950s was a regroup period following the end of World War II.  However, it was no picnic if you were being drafted and shipped off to war in Korea.  There were WWII Veterans who were promptly drafted back into service and sent to South Korea to engage in yet another war.  They never got a break.  Most survived Korea.  A lot did not.  Anyone who has seen real action (death and carnage) understands what I am talking about.  The fog of war is lost across the vast oceans.  Prior to 9/11, post-war America never witnessed wartime on American soil.  What would we know about war?

Boomers like to reflect on the good old days.  We’re doing the same thing our parents did a half-century ago.  The “good old days” seemed better than they actually were.  In the troubled times we’re living in now, it is easy to reflect on what we perceive were better times.  Like troubled times we’ve lived through in the past, these times we’re in now will pass.  Use troubled times to become stronger—to toughen up—because as we get older, there are going to be huge challenges.  You can count on it.

This—too—is gonna pass…