I like the Big Band era song “I’m Getting Sentimental Over You…” trumpeted by the late Tommy Dorsey of Dorsey Brothers fame. Herb Alpert gave it new life in the 1960s on Side 1 the TJB’s “Going Places” album. I’d like to write an updated version of this timeless tune titled, “I’m Getting Neurotic Over You…”
Baby Boomers like to obsess. It is who we are. We obsess about everything from politics to personal relationships. We are a neurotic bunch. Have you ever had a serious obsession over someone or a situation? Unfinished business? You’ve had a falling out and haven’t been able to make peace
It is eating you alive.
Could be a lost love and you just can’t stop thinking about them. Perhaps there was this especially difficult boss and the two of you could not agree on anything. Suddenly, you find yourself in the street – especially if their name was on the building and there was no spirit of compromise.
Maybe it was a problem neighbor with a noisy dog (that also crapped on your lawn), loud music, or the idiot who just kept revving their engine day and night. Makes your blood boil just thinking about it even though the creep moved away.
So, what about that?
I am one of these neurotic boomers who perceives I have to make everything right even when I know things will never be. I revisit bad experiences again and again for years in hopes of finding inner peace.
Sometimes – you just have to find your own peace.
You’ve probably heard this before but – no use obsessing over a situation you can do nothing about, especially if it happened ages ago. This takes a whole lot of practice and muscle memory.
You have to start somewhere.
Best place to start is at the beginning within yourself. I’ve learned in cognitive therapy change begins within. It is the only way to even begin improving your own dynamic. Keep in mind the failure of a relationship wasn’t always your fault.
Difficult people are difficult people – even if the difficult person is us.
Self-exploration takes a lot of work and the courage to face your own shortcomings. If you continue to encounter the same issues again and again with different people, cognitive therapy can be a good step toward self-improvement. Cognitive therapy involves looking at ourselves and how we respond to situations. Others also have to be willing to make changes for a relationship to work.
There has to be two participants for there to be positive change.
If you are faced with an impossible situation that doesn’t have a prayer and the two (or more) of you aren’t willing to put in the work – move on. Sometimes, all that work isn’t worth the energy when you are so far apart.
The courage to move on? That takes work too. This is where you have to put yourself and your own wellbeing ahead of all else because if you are not happy inside, you will never be any good for anyone.